[Black ballpoint pen, cursive, on page torn from college-ruled spiral notebook. Paper smudged with graphite from sketch on opposite page.]
Another bleak, boring winter day. I am without the one I love. He said he probably wouldn’t be here today… I guess I was stupid enough to forget. I cried again last night during “I Love You”. The skies have clouded over. It is as if Nature mirrors my feelings.
I’m sick of being so dependent on someone who, in all likelihood, has no idea how I feel about him. If he still doesn’t say anything by Solstice, I’m just going to have to take some action of my own. The love advice column on “Teenmag.com”* advised just kissing someone who’s sending out mixed signals, but I don’t know about that one. I have never kissed anyone before, nor have I ever been kissed. Why bother now? I would probably just be setting myself up for heartbreak or a bad case of mono, anyway.
Romance is overrated, Sure, you feel “higher than a kite” but “lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut”. (If I don’t do somethig soon, we’ll get into the old friendship rut… not good. I mean, I think he’s a great friend, but I want more!) I hate this incomplete feeling. Just think – were he here today, I wouldn’t have this problem.
“and I forgot… to tell you I love you
and the night is cold and dark here without you…”
~ Sarah McLachlan
(that song that makes me cry)
* The Internet was still new to me, okay? 🙂