i can’t fucking hold together a fucking
RELATIONSHIP. i can’t
goddamn sacrifice ENOUGH. not even my HEALTH.
god, what a horrible woman i must be.
because i look and look and for WHAT? what am i not
what is so wrong with me that i can’t. even. set my needs aside for one fucking SECOND.
my needs SUCK. my needs are fluid flexible changing like the chinook. despite my doubts, i find myself wanting —
— what? the comfort of a companion?
— being held during a bad moment by someone not my family?
— to go so slowly, so very achingly slowly, that i’m never ever going to make it with anyone ever again?
— to go fast with someone else who might not want to go at all?
lord, i need company. i need conversation. i need. what?