Another Sunday, another Maria

There are male nuns in the audience. Also, I am really pretty good at this music judging thing, if the opinions of the actual panelists are anything to go by.

Wait, did Graham Norton just call Andrew Lloyd Webber “the Lord”?

So much cuteness in “The Lonely Goatherd”! Alas, Our Lady in the Dark Purple — Simona — still has not managed to can the accent. Slightly worrisome, as we are apparently halfway through the competition, and the musical opens in weeks. Eek.

Andrew Lloyd Webber’s face screams “GET ME OFF THIS STAGE OMFG”. Especially at the crack about “his Phantom presence”. Lulz, GN. Luuuulz.

Mmm. John Barrowman. Alas, not bisexual. Also, on looking this up: filmed in ’06! Okay!

Little Leanne with her hair in curlers = cuteness! Surely by now she is legal…

The Second-Chance Maria (Siobhan) studies fashion. Go her. Siobhan has legs up to the skies, and if that’s a lack of self-confidence, I must be a mouse hiding in the walls. Girl sings like she’s been diva-ing it up for years. Actually, to me, she’s looking like a young Billie Piper. Leanne, much as I love you, the lyric sections aren’t coming through at all. You’re riding the chorus to glory, which you must not do in a show!

Okay, back around 8.23. I have missed the panel, but no matter. ALW likes that Siobhan did something she’s not entirely comfortable doing. “Before somebody makes some cheap joke about it being about David Ian or something…” He can turn “Jump!” into “I Could Have Danced All Night”. Ooh, Leanne not being able to dance might be an issue. Agreed that her chance may have come too early and why am I agreeing with Andrew Lloyd Webber?! Ah, well; he did write Evita, so I guess he knows what he’s doing. 😉

Next, Helena and Aoife. And what do you mean Aoife started to struggle? I think she knocked it out of the park. Helena and Aoife, it must be noted, are so cute together. Randomly: looking down at my hands, I can’t help but notice that my paunch is peeking over the edge of the laptop. Time to do crunches. — Oh, no. Helena’s doing the Flashdance song. I can’t stand that song. Worse, she looks bizarre trying to act that story out. I don’t feel she owns the stage. Whereas this week it’s Aoife’s turn to use the Prop Dancer. I wasn’t impressed with her singing until she cut loose. Then that delicious lounge-singer vibe leaped out of her. ALW, if you hate on her, you are an idiot.

Three years before Susan Boyle, Helena’s got the cute-but-awkward fist wave going. Nice. Is that her nan? Why, yes, it is! Awesome lady. Likely dead by now, but still! Aoife certainly has a Maria attitude — let’s turn it around, yo! — and everyone seems to concur. “You made Ireland proud tonight” (JB). ALW would pick Aoife for the sake of confusing the sign-makers. Very cute. “She’s a bit stuck in the queue at Heathrow” of Helena at rehearsal.

JB not agreeing with ALW on Belinda/Melize? ALW dropping Belinda despite admitting Melize was crap at Another Suitcase? Draaaama! But he’s looking for leading ladies. And now JB is backtracking furiously re: disagreement. (Oh, crud. Meliz’s name has no second E.) JB and ALW are now being catty about Meliz (I guess they had to agree on something…) Oh, scrap. Meliz is singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, but she’s singing it like she’s thirty-five and not much of a girl anymore! She’s just too mature for the ditzy-kitten songs, which might well have contributed to her failure at Another Suitcase in Another Hall; Eva at that point is just a baby, maybe twenty. Still, she’s intelligible this week. Sort of.

Abby/Abbey pun: keep it up, Graham. -_- I like that she’s there to have fun and “let rip”. They’re even giving her a fun song to do! Woman is sexy and dead on notes-wise. Oh, she is having fun! She looks kinda girlish, but she doesn’t act it, and the way she dropped from standing on the chair to straddling it means she can be choreographed. She really can. Oh, my heart.

And now Graham’s encouraging Meliz to unload on Simona. Um, no? Not really professional? Although Simona looks like someone just crapped under her nose. JB lost for words, BUT. Not sure she did it tonight. Diction! On the other hand, he does know greatness when he sees it. 🙂 Zoe loves some Abby, is not sure about Meliz. David’s lovin’ on Abby and just called Meliz the worst singer left in the competition. Oh, ALW? “Life support machine time, I think.” Just called Meliz decent popstar… oooh, honey. Thinks Abby nailed it tonight — kiss kiss — wished the chair luck! Well, yes, with all the jumping around. Meliz, honey, shut up while you’re ahead. You are not running for office.

Ooh, it’s Connie and Simona. They are letting Simona butcher Dusty?! Connie’s pointing out how ungracious Simona has been. Simona, honey, if you’re bothered by the English, come try the Yanks on for size! We’re worse! 🙂 Caramba, Connie is gorgeous in that orange. Her voice is ideal for My Baby Just Cares For Me, in my opinion. Personally, I’d like her to sing a little more clearly, but her voice slides so beautifully through the music that I almost don’t care! Simona isn’t butchering this song. That is the biggest shock. If she works harder on the accent, she could almost nail the Dusty Springfield thing. I can understand all the lyrics. (I can’t understand why Wardrobe picked those hideous pants.)

Connie’s so sweet about the weeks-long audition. Simona does admit she’s there for the work ethic, not so much for the socialisation, and if she’s honest about that, well, I can respect it. I’d probably not find her as catty as the other girls seem to. She has been working, and I can hear it. Wants to be judged? Graham: “Not a problem. I’ve got some [judges].” David admits Simona’s not it, and tonight Connie was ordinary. (Connie: “I didn’t choose [the song]!”) JB concurs with me, ta very much — of course, this is the man who probably understands accent issues the most. Uh, Zo? Have you ever heard a Dusty Springfield song? She’s kinda gravelly herself! ALW loving Con’s remarks on the program. Ooh, suckup points. Con had to redo the choreography last-minute; “something called a watershed” indeed! ALW objecting to Simona on grounds of feistiness is kind of silly; why doesn’t he just admit he’s fretting over the accent and be done?

Well, that’s the singing bits over.

Aaaaaahahaha, David Ian waking them up from their hangovers, and someone puking in the bushes. Glorious. Girls doing an obstacle course is funny, but not overly notable; maybe I’ll blog it later or something. Come on, what are tonight’s results?


Staying are Siobhan, Simona (okay, who rigged the voting?), Abi (it was on her helmet), Aoife (durrrr), Connie (even more obvious) annnnd it’s Leanne for the last sure slot, leaving:
Singing off are Helena and Meliz, who would’ve been my two choices as well, funny enough.

Meliz has the least votes, but ALW could save her ass. Helena’s up first, and she was okay, but Meliz? Honey, you can’t sing something like this in full Whitney Houston belt. Seriously, she’s too old for this competition, at least in demeanor! This is, dare I say it, beneath her! It’s worth noting that the song is a clunker, though, so I couldn’t blame either of them for not doing so well. Uh, how is Another Suitcase a hard song to sing? Is it just a range thing, because I’ve never had issues.

So Meliz is out, which was kind of inevitable. Predictions? It’s Helena and Simona next week. “It’s gonna be a Maria massacre!” Meliz going now was for the best, because she’s not Broadway. She’s just not. She’s different, and I don’t think she is popstar material. That derides the sweetness in her voice, the mezzo beauty. She could do Carmen quite effectively! So adieu, adieu to you and you and you. Well, you anyway.


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