My mother the pragmatist:

“I had a very good teacher in a wheelchair.”

We went to the mall tonight, and I was doing okay for most of the trip, though I felt something… off, I guess, in my head somewhere. Something warm where it shouldn’t be, high up in my sinuses. But it wasn’t until after we left JC Penney that I slowed down, and midway through Arhaus Furniture, full lag hit me. Boom. All of those little aches in my legs, the heaviness in my bones, and the fire in my forehead slammed into me. I was even having a bit of trouble catching my breath. (That’s better now. I just have to take it easy.)

So Mum and I got out to the car in as much of a tearing hurry as I could manage. It was the slowest quickstep I ever marched, let me tell you.

On the way home, we talked about this and that, and I mentioned that whether I had seven years or seventy, I’d live them the best I could. Then I told her I hoped it’d be seventy, because I really want to teach. I told her how even if I got tired, I could sit down, build some workshop days into my syllabus just in case, and you know what she said?

“I had a very good teacher in a wheelchair.”

And damn me if my eyes didn’t just well up, because if anyone’s been historically adamant that I shall not use mobility devices, it’s Mum. But she understands that, if the current pattern doesn’t change, and I take on a full-time teaching career, I may need a chair in order to cope sometimes.

It’s not something I’d thought about myself much before now, but… yeah. If the pattern doesn’t change, I will sit my ass down in a chair or a scooter and teach from there. CFS or whatever this is be damned — as long as I have a functional mind, I will study, I will get my credentials, and I. Will. Teach.

Good sign: I am still hungry right now. A little Pepsi is taking care of the major fatigue issue. Don’t worry; I should still be able to sleep. This is the stress of the week reminding me that I’m not quite as sturdy as other humans. I just want food. And my TV boyfriend, since my real one’s off in England right now. And maybe a hot blond masseur named Alexei or something equally Slavic. Yum.

…food will do.

I send so much love from the comfort of my computer chair.


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