CFIDS and fibro and fog, oh my

I need to figure out how to say, once and for all, no to my rheumatologist about gabapentin.

I understand that a lot of fibro/CFIDS patients see improvement on it. I am very happy for them. I have not yet read enough case studies that say I will be safe if I try. Remember what happened on Remeron? The ol’ “supplement with a depression drug, hope the patient doesn’t notice” kind of backfired because, oh, you will laugh, I already had a mental health regimen and it turns out my chemistry reeeeeally doesn’t play well with extra norepinephrine and dopamine.

Gabapentin is not Remeron, but I am still skeptical. I have no idea what it will do to my brain. When I consider which I would rather lose, it’s physical functioning all the way because I refuse to suffer again the way I used to. Besides, I want to try physical therapy before I resort to a drug. Can’t the doctor prescribe that? No possible interactions with things I am taking! That’s a win-win!

I am also still trying to work out what is so damn dangerous about cannabinoids. It’s not like you take them and get high. You take them and you get the munchies plus an analgesic effect. In my case, I would benefit from both due to the musculoskeletal pain (I don’t actually experience much nerve pain, and what I do have is bearable). I haven’t eaten solid food today. I haven’t been hungry for it. This, too, seems to fluctuate with the disease, day by day. Today I am foggy and in pain; today I am having appetite issues. Why are you saving these drugs for the most desperate of the desperate, doctors? Do you think cancer and AIDS erase the propensity for addiction? They don’t. Do you still buy into Reefer Madness on some level? It’s crap.

I’m so tired of sitting in the high to mid eighties, pound-wise. I’m tired of hurting when I don’t have to. It’s not like I’m asking for opiates (yuck, stomach effects) and I don’t even drink when it would be very, very easy to drown my upsets (low, low tolerance). I could’ve used pot by now if I wanted. I didn’t want. I wouldn’t be asking if I weren’t among the desperate, too.

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