this will take energy to explain.

I can contemplate one or two things right now.

— Getting myself back to school (which means I have to meet with someone and get my advisor/er/whatever changed)
— Waiting for Medicaid to come through

When well-meaning AB people pile on the possibilities, I have to fight the urge to scream and dive for the nearest hidey-hole. It’s really, really nice that the VESID process doesn’t look like a boot camp obstacle course to them. Ditto the qualifying for SS(D)I. And if working a part-time job would actually benefit me at this point, sure, why not?

I HAVE PONDERED ALL OF THESE THINGS.

AT LENGTH.

There will be time to mess with VESID. It is not going anywhere.

I need to not have anything else on my plate while I’m working on qualifying for SS(D)I (whichever one I’d get). That shit involves lawyers, paperwork, and repeated rejection. Don’t believe me? Ask a disabled person.

I would have to be very stupid to work while I study full-time, knowing that my energy reserves are so limited. I would have to be extra stupid in order to do so while on Medicaid, given that the threshold, income-wise, is far enough below “living wage” that I’d only be wasting my time and aforementioned reserves. Writing from my sofa is more productive than getting some pissant mall job or attempting to work as a cashier at Wegmans (you know those are great places to catch everything that’s going around, right? And how badly I cope with being sick?).

Show me a government that makes it possible for me to work, study, retain my insurance, and not keel over half-dead. Go on. Anywhere in the world.

…no? Then sit down and shut up already. I’ll get around to everything else when I have the momentum.

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