Repentance, then, is confessing the things besides God himself that you have been relying on for your hope, significance, and security.
Timothy Keller, The Reason for God, pg. 244
I am not sure I can repent of the Oath of the Renunciates.
When I reached out in the dark night of my soul, looking for all of those things Mr Keller talks about above, what I found was liberation. I found it in the notion that a woman is complete as a woman, and though she may choose to involve men in her life, it is not necessary to identify herself by their names, swear fealty to any short of a king, or to betray her own principles because a man asks her to.
I learned how to stop feeling the need to feed Claudius’s narcissism.
I shared it with my mother and she found the courage to move forward — which I am sure she would have found regardless of hearing the Oath, but I think it helped us come together in solidarity, to serve one another better. I could stand a little stronger for her while she needed me, and then we traded off. We were sisters as well as mother and daughter.
This is a sticking point, this about God being the only one, about the Bible being the standard. Obviously the Oath isn’t in the Bible, and they do contradict each other in places. There are exhortations in the Bible easily read as “woman, submit!” (always forgetting that it’s meant to be mutual, if you read the bits around that bit; men serve women and women serve men). The Oath tells me how I am to conduct myself as a woman in an unequal society, so as to raise myself and my sisters above chattel slavery. The Bible tells me how I am to pattern my humanity after the humanity, humility, and love that God showed the world. The only permissible slavery is the slavery we enter willingly, to our fellow beings and to that grace-above-graces which has lifted us from sorrow and pain.
Otherwise the basic Christian values suit me well, and I could happily attend a church on the regular — but because of this piece, I feel as if I would have to stitch the “Visitor” tag to my shirt instead of slapping it on and peeling it off after. What is service to God if we forget how to be good to each other? Because that’s the point of religion, to me, service to those who may not even know they are loved. Love for those who may not know they deserve it. Evangelism isn’t even a priority to me, though if I find something works for me, I’ll at least suggest it. Hence recommending this book on Goodreads. Hence linking it from my blog. I am ever-grateful to my friend Allison for the lend of it.
The truest evangelism my friends have performed is the living of good lives and their willingness to embrace those who are not like them. That makes me not want to give up on Jesus just yet. When I was young and all I saw was a religion of exclusion, I departed from the church of my baptism, and all churches, wanting — needing — to discover for myself what other ideas matched my heart better. To come back half my lifetime later to a view of the same religion centered around a gospel that is love and compassion is a move I never expected. Allison and Celine didn’t need to say anything to me to interest me in their faith. They lived (and live) their faith in such a way that implies we are all part of the same human family and worth the same consideration.
Can I swear fealty to a King of Kings without betraying my Oath? I want very much to do so, you see, to keep what snatched me from the brink and move forward into a full spiritual life. The Oath is not religion, after all. I recall very clearly the existence of cristoforo Renunciates in the Darkover series. I know a Christian who also considers herself a Renunciate. The blending of philosophy and faith has me tied up in knots, but the ropes are made of slick nylon cording, so there is hope that the knots will slide apart given time and patient attention.
Refuge in Audacity 