What do I have? (Especially according to my color palette of choice?)
Drawing on this list from April 2011…
THE WHITE BUTTON-DOWN: Yes. Gap. Two. One for winter, one for summer. I don’t intend to wear either anywhere but interviews.
THE CHIFFON BLOUSE: One, white, vaguely see-through so bring on the nude brassiere. Tucks beautifully.
THE (DRAPEY) WHITE TEE: Alas, nothing in blank.
THE TEE IN GENERAL: In various colours.
THE UPSCALE SWEATSHIRT: I found a way to make it work on me. Go plain or go home.
THE (GIANT) CARDIGAN: Two black, one tan, one sepia ticking, one green. I nick my mum’s brown one sometimes, too.
THE CAMISOLE/TANK: Except for when I actually need to wear them!
THE V-NECK/SCOOP-NECK SWEATER: Yes yes yes. I love them.
SPECIFICALLY, THE BLACK OR GRAY WOOL V-NECK SWEATER: Scoops are more now.
A SHINY FUN TOP: A couple, now.
THE (DARK) TROUSER: Nope.
THE PERFECT JEAN: A couple of pairs.
…THE WHITE JEAN? Bad idea for me.
THE LEGGING: Yes, but sometimes I get bloat and just don’t wanna.
THE CROPPED PANT: Awkward on me, but I possess one loose pair and one tight pair.
THE FORMAL SHORT I would look absurd.
THE (KNEE-LENGTH) (PENCIL) SKIRT: Two of them. One pinches, though, no “a tad” about it.
THE DENIM SKIRT: Yes! Two! Both attractively short.
THE (LITTLE) BLACK DRESS: Cowl-neck, sleeveless, chic at any weight.
THE SHIFT DRESS: In a couple of seasons’ weights.
THE SHIRT DRESS: Black with rosebud and vine sprigging.
…THE TUXEDO?! I have no tux. I need no tux.
THE (BLACK) SUIT: I am suitless and it suits me.
THE BELT: In modern and medieval.
THE WIDE BELT: This is also no longer a thing.
…THE BRIGHT BELT? Gaudy and gold and giant faux pearl. Looks fabulous in court.
THE BIG/EVERYDAY BAG: A requirement!
THE SCARF: Not just the scarf. Many scarves. Scarves for all occasions.
THE HAT: See “the belt”.
THE EVENING BAG/CLUTCH: Mm. Not so much.
THE (AVIATOR?) SUNGLASSES I’m sorry. I’m going to have to say this nay and, next time I swap out my glasses, get those darker-in-the-sunlight lenses.
THE PEARLS: Absolutely.
THE “DIAMONDS”: Also absolutely.
THE HOOP EARRINGS: No longer! My piercings closed up.
THE GOLD/SILVER BRACELET: Yes.
THE METAL DRESS WATCH: Stopped ticking. Needs retrieval and battery replacement.
THE GIANT TOTE: A couple.
THE CROSS-BODY PURSE: It’s my everyday.
WHATEVER YOUR SIGNATURE ACCESSORY IS: That would be my phone.
SHEER NEUTRAL HOSE: I have sheer neutral stockings.
TIGHTS: Yeah, but they’re so tight. Très uncomfortable.
THE BALLET FLAT: In black and brown.
THE BLACK PUMP: Ohhh, yes.
…THE PEEP-TOE? A white platform heel.
THE CLASSIC (HEELED) BOOT: Yep! A couple of these.
THE WHITE SNEAKER Nothing about my style calls for this.
FUCKING SEXY LITTLE SHOES: Ohhhh, yeah.
THE TRENCH: Yes, in khaki, but too large; I would like to find a smaller one.
THE BLAZER: Somewhere in my closet.
…THE BOUCLE JACKET? I don’t wear enough jackets. Sorry.
THE CAMEL OVERCOAT? I have black. I have gray. I will not fuss about with camel.
THE LEATHER JACKET: Not that fits.
THE DENIM JACKET? No. NO.
THE PARKA I have never looked right in parkas.
THE CROPPED JACKET? The cropped winter jacket. I look vaguely ASBO in it.