never blog in anger.

I try to be better. This is why, despite my grumpy-old-woman affect, I am actually quite fond of some inspirational blogs, and today’s Message from the Brightside comes from Louise at Sprinkle of Glitter.

She titles her post “Inadequacy”, and immediately my brain connects two ideas: yes. Anger and feeling inadequate often go hand-in-glove for me. While I’m not on board with the whole “I let myself be hurt” thing just yet — because I live in a reality where it has been true that other people actually hurt me (sometimes the hearing is enough) — I can distinguish between the two and I think I’ve felt her way recently.

And while I’m decidedly Team Grim Reality, I hope I’m relatable to someone. 😉

Louise, my duckling, what better topics are there than the ones that make you happy? If fluff is what makes your heart leap and your fingers fly, please indulge! You have this beautiful life, and I do not begrudge you your joy. So you went awhile without confronting feminism? As a woman, that means you were probably blessed with good men and privilege that allowed you to grow up fairly well-adjusted. Feminism was all around you, like some fairy godmother, and I think you must have benefited from what our foremothers did — that doesn’t mean I’m angry you don’t blog about it! (Or seem to blog about it. I am new.)

I don’t see much of the world. When I was young I was the girl who had. Now I am the girl who is content to make a home and a life. If anything, finding culture has been a journey in this place, to discover what is diverse about this place. If you do feel inadequate, culturally, wherever you are, find who and what is not of that place. Learn. Embrace. That is impressive all on its own. In fact, an awareness that one wishes to learn more is impressive.

This is an “Oh, did you hear what Louise did?” moment.

I’m not looking to stroke your ego. I’m looking to reassure you. Who you are is good enough. Been there, done that, always going to fight it because everywhere you and I go, someone’s going to try and tell us we’re wrong, eh?

And if your mind’s all over the place, you bring the tea, I’ll bring the sympathy.

I am On Track for my semester so far. Yes, it is in fact verging on Day Two. I know. But small victories count, and I consider having my weeks mapped out a major achievement. I’ve struggled for years to find a system that suited me.

One of my textbooks came decidedly not as advertised, so I communicated with people about it. I told the people who sold it me that they’d best come up with an access code ASAP (next step: getting my cash back/trading up to Edition the Third). I let my professor know that this might be an issue for current students, because she did say “get the 2nd Edition” and that’s no longer handy on Amazon with codes guaranteed. She thanked me and said she’d start recommending the 3rd, and in the meanwhile if nothing could be done she would find me a workaround. See? Reasonable.

I began to read this unit’s required textbook today for Music. It’s nice reading. It’s got “yes!” moments.

My Disabled in America text isn’t actually here yet, so I can begin thinking about the things I’ll need to do later in the semester. Right? 🙂

There is still an eight-hundred-pound essay in the room, which problem I wish to address Wednesday with the new therapist. Please, please, let her and her smart-people CBT work on me. Please let it not suck.

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