send all my best to all my beloved

Never oh never underestimate the power of kin you choose/who choose you. Inhale their fierce/sweet/quiet/brilliant essence, love them as they are even as they love you as you are. Come to life in their presence (remember how alive you truly are).

Wonder why you never take the initiative — remember that you were never as loved as this before you met them — consider throwing yourself a graduation party because you didn’t, you had planned to celebrate at Pax Interruptus if not for the rain. Then you were working; then you were alive, but it wasn’t about you at all. It was the love Anna Grazinsky bore the estate of Mersham. Love which, like Anna, you are pleased to be able to give! But Anna had to learn, too, how to look to her own wishes.

You have clean forgotten to celebrate; you treated it as merely a certification achieved, when really it’s the culmination of ten years’ work (eleven if you count all that red tape you cut at last). You have been too busy worrying about the future to enjoy the present. What an absurd way to live! Come to think of it, you treat most honors this way, as injunctions to get on and do more, do better. Surely there must be balance even for a woman whose major says a great deal about her natural inclinations.

This autumn you must take your turn. You haven’t even had a proper birthday party in years. You’ve stuck candles in baked goods, so according to Caleb it counts as having a birthday. Goodness, but you’d love to hold a not-revel, something quiet enough for all the people you love, those you consider your household regardless of other affiliations. Come as you are, as you were. The start of a brand new way.

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