19 Signs You’re An Even More Superior Asshole Than The Superior Assholes Who Write for Thought Catalog, with no apologies to this person:
1. You have lived south of the Mason-Dixon line. And? You’ve probably lived south of it on two different continents but you can’t be bothered to look that up because what is so shameful about the South?
2. When people call you a sarcastic bitch, it has finally begun to hurt again after years of thinking you had to be too thick-skinned to care.
3. You give compliments and you mean them. Often. Freely. Because humans need to hear they’re doing well.
4. You’re a little over fall foliage, truth be told, but why rain on anyone else’s parade about it?
5. You own the clothes you’d like to own, and if that means your fashion sense is a bit normie, well, then it’s normie. But if that means your fashion sense is occasionally a tribute to some other decade, that’s okay too. Of course, it doesn’t mean you think rips and tears are appropriate. That’s just crappy workmanship. Where’s your needle and thread…?
6. The word is tisane, especially when talking about fruity, flowery teas. And they’re delicious.
7. You have sat through enough therapy to be able to see the value in acknowledging that you feel.
8. You love Seinfeld. Screw the haters. No soup for them.
9. Yeah, so you shit on Connecticut, except for Bridgeport. You will grudgingly acknowledge that Bridgeport is kind of cool.
10. Your only rigid opinion about New York City is that it is not the entire state, for crying out loud.
11. You’re not from New Jersey, so mostly you peer at it through the media lens, shrug, and go on with your life.
12. And Trenton has never actually sent shivers down your spine, what the heck?
13. You think every city in the United States is too young.
14. You may have relocated to the one place in the Northeast where you have to make conversation in line at the grocery store.
15. Nobody ever thought you were mean when you ventured outside the Northeast. Maybe it’s because you’re not a walking stereotype.
16. You will not yell yourself hoarse unless it’s hockey, real football, or possibly men’s diving (rowr).
17. You rewrote this whole article.
18. You had no idea there were big crosses on the side of the road anywhere but the Oregon Trail. What.
19. It is usually road rage, calm your tits and let’s all get to our destination safely.