Ivanova for All Occasions

A beginner’s guide and a good mantra: “Ivanova… is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova’s recommendations. Ivanova… is God. And, if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out!”

Sparing a lesser mortal: “Don’t. You’re too young to experience that much pain.”

In case of showdown: “Who am I? I am Susan Ivanova. Commander. Daughter of Andrei and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart! I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me.”

On overbearing men: “Worst case of testosterone poisoning I’ve ever seen.”

On not-so-overbearing men: [when she’s given roses] “Spending that kind of money on high-priced synthetics, must be a real dope!”

And: “At least I should have boffed him just once.”

Down with the Man: “Babylon 5, our last best hope to make a quick buck!”

Playing with her food: “You are going to resist, I hope.”

Her food playing with her: “All my life I’ve fought against imperialism. Now I’m the expanding Russian frontier!”

Threats, empty or otherwise: “…twist your head off and use it as a chamber pot.”

Awwww: “What am I, chopped flarn?”

Lost in translation: “Engines at full… high power. Hatrack ratcatcher to port weapons… brickbat lingerie.” Also “Ah, hell” (which means “continuous fire”).

Welcome home: “You look pretty good for a dead man.”

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